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We Declare War on BrewDog (and Think Scots Talk Funny)
Breaking news from the Flying Dog Breaking News Desk:
At 15:37 EST on July 27, Flying Dog Brewery issued direct orders for its Brewmaster and 23-Star General Matt Lovefreedom Brophy to head to Scotland. His operative objective? Brew Dog domination.
Captaining his own destroyer, equipped with ballistic missile submarines and PCs pre-loaded with Minesweeper, Brophy will set sail for Nessie’s homeland Tuesday and arrive on the white sand beaches August 23.
Closely guarded in the ship’s hull will be International Arms Race, the Zero IBU IPA and cause of this all-out war between the two breweries.
At the end of March, Flying Dog and BrewDog decided on the terms of their combative collaboration. Hops were banned from the battlefield, but after 84 hours of negotiation, a host of other weapons to impart bitterness – spearmint, bay leaves, rosemary, juniper berries, and elderflower – were agreed on. Then, it was decided that each brewery would craft it’s own version of the beer, which highlights the human element of the brewing process and does not require the Flying Dog staff to socialize with any Scots.
“Collaboration was never an option,” Brophy said. “It’s a long word that takes entirely too long to type. So, we challenged BrewDog to a battle of the brewing arts and they accepted. Now, it’s time to face off.”
On August 23, Brophy and BrewDog Captain James Watt will begin a tour of BrewDog pubs in both Scotland and England. Civilians can seek refuge from war and try each brewery’s International Arms Race at the following:
- Thursday, August 23 at Aberdeen, 7 pm
- Friday, August 24 at Glasgow, 7 pm
- Saturday, August 25 at Newcastle, 4 pm
- Sunday, August 26 at Manchester, 2 pm
- Monday, August 27 at Camden, 7 pm
Brophy held a private preview of the Flying Dog Zero IBU IPA with Ewan McGregor, Craig Ferguson, Gerard Butler, and Brian Cox. Their overwhelming response to the beer and support for American liberty provided further validation for Brophy, but also furthered Watts’ doubt, self-loathing, and hatred for Bald Eagles.
“We keep hearing from James that it will be bloody,” Brophy said. “Consider that a warning.”
If left standing, Watt and skirt-wearing cohorts will join Brophy on his home turf in September to premiere each brewery’s version International Arms Race in the United States.