North Pole Police Report
Date of Incident: Wednesday, November 30, 2016
Location: Frederick, Maryland, USA
Reporting Officer: I.P. Freely
Detail of Incident: Throughout the evening of Wednesday, November 30, there were numerous noise complaints throughout the city of Frederick, Maryland. The reports were centralized around 12 locations where it is believed that a group of bearded individuals may have been spreading unauthorized Christmas cheer. Numerous eye-witness reports indicate that so-called “Jingle Balls” were distributed with the explicit intent to increase Holiday Spirit.
After reviewing CCTV images, it was discovered that the bearded individuals also left calling cards attached to the Jingle Balls (see photographic evidence NPPD.0076842.0002). These cards have redeemable prizes expiring on December 24, 2016 at the local brewery, Flying Dog, which has been under investigation by this department for the past three years due to their creation and packaging of The Holiday Collection, a group of undocumented Christmas Spirits.
Please note the following APB: Anyone who comes across a Jingle Ball of any kind, please report it by Instagramming it, tagging @FlyingDogBrewery, and including #JingleBalls. Afterwards, take the Jingle Ball and attached prize to Flying Dog Brewery at 4607 Wedgewood Blvd, Frederick, MD 21703 by December 24, 2016, where we will have an officer waiting to take your statement and present you with your reward. Please note that no one under the age of 21 is allowed in the brewery. A valid ID is required.
Once all Jingle Balls have been located, one lucky Instagrammer will also receive a behind-the-scenes brewery adventure to include a tour, tasting and lunch with a freshly-showered member of the Flying Dog Social Media team. (Offer valid for redemption Monday – Friday before February 1, 2017. Winners must be 21+ and ice-cold, because what’s cooler than being cool?)
Photographic Evidence: The following images we’re obtained from CCTV and security cameras in various locations.
Location of Incident(s): This map highlights the areas where it is believed that the Jingle Balls were hung.
The sun is setting before happy hour even begins, and that means the holidays are upon us. Every gym sign we pass on the dark ride home is offering programs to help build shoveling muscles (deltoids, abdominal, erectors, quads, hamstrings, gluts, lats, obliques) and you can’t go anywhere without hearing about the #ElfDiet. In light of all of this activity, we couldn’t settle on just one beer to get you through the holidays. We’ve got seven. Yes, SEVEN. You can get your white-gloved hands on all of them this week as our Winter Is Coming release party runs today through Sunday.
This year’s K-9 Winter Warmer got a new look from Ralph Steadman, which was a nice reminder to us all that the recipe changes every year. This allows our brewers to flex creative muscles and use new ingredients and processes that they’ve been experimenting with all year. This year, we played around with some cocoa nibs from DC’s very own Undone Chocolate alongside cardamom and vanilla. The result is the perfect winter beer that pairs great with turtlenecks, ski lodges and oversized fireplaces. It’s also ideal for those year-end tailgates when your team doesn’t stand a chance, but that doesn’t stop you. At 7.4% ABV, our only request is that you #SledResponsibly.
The list has been made, it will get checked for a second time and then it’s out of our hands. This year, good girls and boys will wake up to Nice Holiday Milk Stout in their stockings. #ThanksSanta. Now here at Flying Dog, we don’t always see things in black and white, there are shades of grey, and depending on how any given night goes, you could spend time on both lists. So we took a long look in the mirror and decided that 2016 was pretty fucking rough, and we would take it easy on the sinners. This year, the rest of us will receive Naughty Egg Nog Ale in place of the traditional lump of coal (or hand-me-down socks, depending on your family traditions).
After Santa finishes passing judgment and handing out sentences, he’s going to need to fuel up. Rumor around the North Pole is that the Big Man’s lactose intolerant and actually prefers beer over milk. (Don’t worry, he isn’t driving the sleigh. It runs on magic.) Hook him up with our Holiday Collection, four brand-new beers inspired by Baltimore’s iconic Otterbein’s Bakery are back. This year’s beers include:
- Raspberry Leaf Ale, inspired by Otterbein’s Lemon Sugar Cookies
- Christmas IPA, inspired by Otterbein’s Orange White Chocolate Chip Cookies
- Horchata Lager, inspired by Otterbein’s Sugar Cookies
- Baltic Porter, inspired by Otterbein’s Chocolate Chip Cookies
If you can’t find something you like on this list, we hear Russia is wonderful this time of year. Tell Putin we said hi. And Happy Holidays.